O.K., so I’ve been posting a few "love advice" type entries lately, inspired by Greg Behrendt’s book "He’s Just Not That Into You." To say I’ve been surprised by the response is an understatement – mostly women, but even a couple of guys, have written with feedback. So…I guess I’ll do a couple more. Let me restate that I have absolutely no qualifications, other than being a straight guy, to offer love advice. There’s certainly not much in my own history to indicate an expertise at dating – but they say those who can’t do, teach so…
Be Careful What You Ask For
A year or so ago a dear friend of mine was asking me for advice regarding her boyfriend. They’d been together for 8 months or so and he had never stayed over at her house (they always stayed at his), he never complimented her (told her she looked pretty) and she’d hadn’t really met any of his friends or family. He would sometimes go days without talking to her and she didn’t really feel comfortable contacting him during the day even to say "hi". They took a train trip together and after the romantic festivities ended he sent her back to her own bunk so he could get some sleep. "Alice" (not her real name) is a lovely, slender, girl by the way, not the kind who is going to crowd him much even in a small train bed. He was frequently dishonest with her and evasive when caught in an obvious lie.
Her dilemma: "Does he love me or not?"
My answer: "Sweetie, if he DOES love you is this really the way you want to be loved? Do you want to spend the rest of your life being sent back to your own bunk after he’s done with you and never being told that you’re pretty? And if he doesn’t love you at this point then I guess it doesn’t matter."
Ladies (and gents for that matter): Just being "loved" isn’t enough. You have to be loved in a way that makes you happy. If that’s the best he (or she) can do and it’s not enough…time to move on. Life is too short to waste it in a bad relationship – ESPECIALLY if the guy is a lying jerk. Go back out there and find somebody who will adore you and treat you with the respect you deserve. Find somebody who wants you to stay in his arms and who never makes you question your own self-worth. He’s out there somewhere, I’m sure of it.
P.S. "Alice" broke up with him and moved on. Good for her!